The child got into my face screaming, "You can't love me I won't let you!" This child had so disrupted the class I had pulled her out. "What is wrong with you?? What's going on and don't tell me nothing because you have never acted like this before." "So what she screamed back" furry pouring from her eyes. Her body stiff and her fist clinched. What the heck is going on?? I wondered. I feel my ire building up. She came into class breaking stuff, throwing things on the floor, ruining other kids' projects. She was never and easy child, a bit of a braggart but never had she acted like this. I feel my control wanting to slip and I know that can't happen. There is no where else to turn. No one who can take care of this so I can get back to the other kids. I force myself to take a deep breath while this child, well young women really being 13 almost 14, tries to stare me down. I can feel her anger pouring off of her. I take another breath and then I start to pray. A very simple prayer. Just God please help me, help her, help us. I have no idea what to do here. And then her words hit me. "You can't love me!" A smile comes across my face. And I see first fear then confusion cross hers. "Amy (not her real name of course), you can chose who you want to love, you can yell and scream at me all you want. But my dear child you cannot tell me who to love. So if you want to hate me, not like me whatever go ahead. But God and I, well your just stuck with our loving you no matter what you say or do." You'd think I had dynamited a dam. I could tell she wanted to scream at me and then her shoulders slumped she muttered she was sorry as I put my arm around her she fell apart. Sobbing. I don't know how long we out there I was thankful that I had another adult with the kids, but I knew she needed to go check on the other class so I needed to get back into the room. I pulled Amy away from the door and had her sit on the floor. I told her I did need to get back to the class and I asked if she would be alright she nodded. "Okay when you feel like you are back in control you are welcome back in, but I will not have you disrupting the class. I went back in so the other lady could leave and told her that Amy was outside and asked her to keep an eye on her. In a little bit Amy did return and I never had another problem with her.
I had known she had lost her father when she was a young girl and that her mom was a single mother and that she went to stay with her dad's dad after school each day. Apparently the Monday before her melt down she had gone over to her grandfather's house and found his body in the kitchen having been there, they figured, since Friday night.
The child felt like everyone who loved her died.
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